uncommon knowledge

Sometimes, a guy can just kick back and go with the flow.
But ifit's blood that's flowing, you'd better move fast

How to get bloodstains out of a shirt

As the creator of Heliraiser and other ghoulish tales, I can't seem to write anything without getting blood all over the pages. Not my blood, but the blood of one unfortunate character or another. So while I spend a great deal of time helping my hungry creatures find some innocent bystanders upon which to feast, I've never addressed the consequences of sloppy table manners among the demonic set. This is a mistake, for even the most elegantly mannered monster is likely to spill a drop or two of blood on himself - or accidentally prick himself with a pin. Then what?

Step One: Go to the source

You need to discover two things instantly. First, is it your blood? if so, and there seems to be quite a lot of it, don't worry about the laundry. Worry about an ambulance. Second, how long has the bloodbeen allowed to pool and coagulate? This is important, since you have only a couple ofminutes between the bloodletting and the stain-removing. if the blood dries, you're dead. So move quickly, and remember to blot the blood. Don't rub it. Rubbing it just rubs it in.
Step Two: Use a little tenderness

You can get rid of a bloodstain faster than Lucifer can say 'Beelzebub." All you have to do is apply some unseasoned meat tenderizer to the spot, then mix in some cool water and work like the devil until it turns into a paste. Let it sit for 15 minutes, then simply rinse the stain down the drain. No tenderizer? No problem. You can also use a solution of one pintof cold water and a tablespoon of salt
Step Three: Hang out to dry

Toss the redeemed garment in a dryer set on deilcate for 10 minutes, or if you're a traditionalist blood-remover, hang iton a clothesline. if you use the outdoor method, put your clothespins at the shoulders. This will keep the shirt from wrinkling badly if you hang the shirt so it's exposed to the east the rising sun will wash the fabric with a cleansing and brilliant light. Unless, of course, this bothers you for some reason

MEN'S HEALTH OCTOBER 1996 Illustrations by Dan Krovatin